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Here you'll find diary entries for the both of us.
Date: 08/27/2024
Mood: Feeling a lot of things.
ππ¬π²π―π«ππ© π’π«π±π―πΆ #1
(Author: Astarion.)
I could listen to nothing but you for the rest of my life and die happy, and that is the most alarming realisation I've ever had in my life.
Date: 08/30/2024
Mood: tired, sick, but happy
ππ¬π²π―π«ππ© π’π«π±π―πΆ #2
(Author: Al)
Today Astarion and I had a very, very long talk. It was a talk that was needed, but didn't make it any less emotionally exhausting.
A few days ago, we were discussing our plans from now forward. We briefly discussed engagement, but Astarion seemed to brush it off a little at first. He said it was a bit overwhelming, and that he'd think about it.
I wanted to give him time and space, of course. After waiting a bit, I asked him about it again today. He seemed unsure and a bit hesitant. He said he had his reasons for not wanting to rush into it.
I tried asking why that was, and he revealed... His main issue was that he felt like he wasn't doing enough for me. I called him a dork.
He was serious, though. He was convinced that he wasn't enough for me, and that some day I'd realize and leave him.
He really has no clue how much he does for me...
"You know damn well I don't deserve you." Is what he said to me.
After talking it out and explaining my feelings, giving him examples of what he does for me, and him getting very teary eyed... he finally relented a little.
"What more could you possibly give me? All I want is you. I don't want for anything else."
Sometimes he needs me to really remind him that I love him and only want him. Even in his source, he says things like he was waiting for the "midnight chime", for this fairytale to end.
It's hard for him to feel vulnerable around me to tell me this, either. I want him to be happy, to be safe around me... But it will take a lot of work to unlearn these protection measures he has up. But I won't ever give up.
Though, this does mean our engagement is on... The actual proposal hasn't happened, but I wanted to discuss it before doing anything. It would be scary to jump him with a proposal suddenly LOL.